"Prayer" is a word lost in the current culture. It's one of those words used to get one out of a situation. Plug in "...and our prayers are with you" and you are kept from an embarrassing questions about spiritual life.
Clergy can be the worst. We intend the best but... But that really doesn't help you when you are yearning to cry out to God as Father.
So...talk to Him, right now, in your words. Be bluntly honest. He knows. Hold nothing back. Start getting things back in some sort of spiritual order. Talk to Him!
There are a variety of approaches in prayer. Deal with this first. Then we can talk about these other ways.